My boyfriend and I had been trying to months to get pregnant but it was negative every time. It was so heartbreaking every time but I hoped it would happen for us eventually. Our relationship was never perfect and as the months went on, we had more and more arguments and disagreements. There was a couple times we almost broke up but didn’t. Fast forward to about a month ago, and we really did almost break up. But I just couldn’t accept it and I convinced us to stay together. Things were ok but not great. We weren’t really happy anymore. But a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn’t stop shaking. I felt happy/excited and it’s not really how I wanted it to happen but I couldn’t wait to tell him. But when I did, he wasn’t really happy at all. He joked about getting an abortion but eventually just said how hard it was going to be and we needed to find a doctor. Later that day though, he said he thought I shouldn’t keep it and he also thought that we shouldn’t be together anymore. I knew there was no convincing him this time so I packed up all my stuff and moved back home. The next few days I went back and forth on my options and couldn’t decide what to do. I knew if I had the baby, I didn’t want to be a single mom. I wanted us to be together, I wanted our family, and I knew he was emotionally ready to do that. The thought of abortion scared me but in my head, it felt like the right choice. My sisters supported me and my ex said he would supported whatever decision I made. He would be in our lives if I decided to keep the baby. My mom however, acted like I had to have the baby and that abortion is wrong and I’ll regret it forever. I knew she was going to be trying to make doctors appointments and asking questions and trying to get me to keep it so I felt rushed into my decision to get an abortion. My ex went with me for the consultation and procedure. He has been my only source of comfort through the entire process. I decided to get a surgical abortion because I knew the pain wouldn’t last as long and it had a quicker recovery time. It really hurt during but it was over so quick. Once I got back to the recovery room and to my ex, I immediately started crying. I felt like I regretted it so much. I just wanted to take it all back and make a different choice but it was too late. I know I shouldn’t dwell on the what if’s and I know I’ll heal from this eventually but it’s really hard. I know I’m time I’ll see that this was the right decision for me, my ex, and the baby. We just weren’t ready for that. The timing wasn’t right. I just hope one day I can try again, whether it’s with my ex or someone new. I can’t wait to be a mom one day and I hope the pain I feel from this loss will get easier in time.