||Making a judgment
||1) You should … and 2) You ought to …
||Mom, I’m not sure what to do about my class schedule this year. It’s really tough with all the extras I’ve got to do.
||You should take every math and science course offered. You ought to see how important that is.
||Giving no support
||It’s your problem, not mine.
||Dad, that boy just took my truck.
||It’s your problem. You solve it.
| 3. Blaming, Criticizing
||Placing fault on the other person
||It’s your fault.
||Mom, the jar of glue just fell over on the floor.
||Look what you did! The carpet is ruined! It’s all your fault!
||Calling negative names or words that are negative
||Only a dummy would do it that way.
||Your 8-year-old got dressed for school—orange and blue shirt, green and yellow striped pants, red socks, sandals, and a baseball hat.
||Only a clown would dress like that for school!
||Not listening and jumping in with one’s own problems
||Let me tell what happened to me.
||Dad, it’s not my fault my math teacher hates me.
||Let me tell you about my boss. You think you’ve got trouble!
||Giving solutions with no choices
||You must do this now.
||I think I’ll go to the movies tonight Mom.
||You will not. You’re going to stay home and study. You’re going to bring your grades up.
|7. Threatening, Bribing
||Using threats or bribes to try to make someone do something
||1) If you don’t do what I want … and 2) If you do what I want, I do this for you.
||But Dad, it’s the last night for “Star Wars,” and I haven’t seen it.
||If you don’t study, there will be no car this weekend.
||Not being clear and consistent in setting limits
||1) Well, maybe …, 2) We’ll see …, and 3) I’ll think about it …
||Mom, I really need to know if I can go to the concert on Saturday night.
||We’ll see—I’ll think about it.
||Persistently repeating orders or requests
||1) I’ve told you a thousand times … and 2) How many times do I have to ask you to …
||I’ll pick up the puzzle later Dad.
||I’m not going to tell you again. I’ve told you ten times to pick it up. Now!
||Using body language that sends negative messages or that rebuffs; being physically abusive
||1) Crossing arms, 2) Not looking at speaker, 3) Walking away, 4) Tapping feet, 5) Shaking finger in face, 6) Hitting, and 7) Kicking.
||Your child comes home from school, slams the door shut, drops his/her clothes on the floor, kicks the cabinet, and turns on the TV.
||You frown, cross your arms, tap your foot, and stand in front of your child.