Today is 8/1/2015 and it is a day after my abortion. I am a 25 yr old mother of 2. I have a 3yr old and 11month old. I never thought I would have an abortion. I don’t judge, but personally I never had a reason that was so bad that I would ever do it. My kids’ dad is incarcerated and I still want my family. However, I met someone who was the definition of a perfect gentleman. I wanted someone around for comfort but I did not want anything permanent. I found out I was pregnant and the dad was happy, we both didn’t think about abortion. We went to 2 appointments and even had an ultrasound. I was accepting the situation but I also was forcing myself to have an attachment and feeling for someone that I only liked and had some type of love for but not in love with. I was nervous of what everyone would say too because I just had a baby and I am close to my kids’ dad’s family and I knew they would feel I betrayed him. I could imagine myself being unhappy because I would be forcing myself to be with someone I didn’t want to be with. The baby’s dad wanted to be a family not just parents. After our second appointment my doctor asked me did I want my tubes tied since this will be my 3rd csection and she did not recommend me having anymore children. It all set in that if I had this baby I would be stuck with this guy forever and be unhappy instead of having the family I once had. We fussed, went back and forth, and had mixed emotions. I finally decided I would get an abortion, something I never thought I could ever do. I went to the clinic and it was so many people there. People of all different backgrounds. All around the clinic were signs making patients aware that there would not be any iv sedation due to the fact the person who administered the medicine was gone. Still I decided to go threw with it. I arrived at 11:20 am. Was sent to the back numerous times for counseling, vitals, finger stuck, ultrasound. They asked me did I want to see the picture of the baby(10weeks they said) I declined but now I don’t know if I should had looked. If I did it might had changed my mind. They advised me they could give me some pills that would relax my mind which I consented to. I had to wait longer than anyone else because I had to wait for the medicine to “work”. They called me into the room. The lady began the process and it was the worst feeling ever in my life. It was worse than me having csections. I could feel everything. It felt like someone was playing tug of war in my uterus. She asked did I want her to stop I said no hurry up and it was done. I was shaking, sweating, and out of it. I kept my eyes up. Too afraid to look down and see the remains like I have seen on the millions of videos before I decided to make this decision. I’m a health freak and I look up anything I want to know. After the procedure the assistant/ I don’t know if she was a m.a or what but she had to dress me I couldn’t move and most of the pain was in my butt. I was in recovery and started to get drowsy. They took my vitals and later I was sent out to leave. I didn’t bleed much and the cramping went away. Physically after the fact I was fine. I left around 5:30pm and went to sleep at home until 11 pm to get my kids from my mother’s house, who thought I was at work. I was fine by then. The morning sickness, swollen breast, inability to eat immediately went away. Today however sadness has overtaken me and I can not honestly tell you why. I am a very caring and nurturing person. I love kids and I love family. I did not want a permanent situation with a temporary person. I NEVER thought I would have an abortion in my life. I always felt hey you got yourself pregnant now u got a kid to take care of. I feel my choice was selfish. I thought I was ok with my decision. I’m not feeling as much regret as I thought but I’m feeling something.